Sophia Raziela

How many times have you told yourself NOT to forget something, and still done just that?

Or, you yelled “Don’t forget the milk!” as your partner headed out to go shopping. And watched them return with everything – except the milk, which you expressely told them NOT to forget.

I bet that has happened plenty of times.

The good news is that there is nothing wrong with you, or your partner. You are not ‘forgetful’ or inattentive.

You just haven’t figured out how the brain works yet.

How The Mind Handles Negatives

Words like ‘No’ and ‘Don’t’ are not recognized as commands by your brain. So, when you feed your brain negatives – it ignores them.

What your brain hears when you say, “Don’t forget the milk”,
is annoyingly enough – “forget the milk”. In other words, the very thing you want to avoid. And that is because the word ‘don’t’, is irrelevant.

A correct command would be, “remember to buy milk.”
If you use these words, your mind will obey.

Switch From Negative To Affirmative

To avoid problems in the future, find alternative ways of expressing yourself that leaves out the negatives.

If you are not quite sure how to do that, here are some examples of negatives that have been replaced:

Don’t forget to take your meds = Remember to take your meds
Don’t leave your dirty dishes in the sink = Clean up after yourself
Don’t throw your dirty clothes on the floor = Put your laundry in the laundry basket
I don’t want that = I am satisfied with what I have
No more war = Peace
No more corruption = Honesty

Avoid The Irony Trap

In shared kitchens you’ll often see signs saying something like: “Your mom doesn’t work here”.

That’s an ironic way of telling people that they have to take care of their own trash and dishes. Even though it is funny, I’m sure you’ve also noticed that it doesn’t always make that much of a difference.

That is because the brain treats irony the same way as it does negatives.

So, if you actually want people to behave as adults, you’ll have to come out and say it. Without the irony and the negatives.

“You are a responsible adult. Please act accordingly.”

Polite, yet straight to the point.
And completely free from negatives and irony.

And please remember to only ask questions you want answered.

When you are having a really bad day, and blurt out, “What more could possibly go wrong?”, your brain will get to work on finding the answer. And that is the last thing that you want.

© Sophia Raziela